Are you a landlord wondering how to advertise your property online? Or are you a renter wondering whether your landlord’s requests are reasonable or not? These 10 Strangest Flat Adverts in the UK should put things into perspective….
1) Must use landlord as a slave…
Fancy a master bedroom suite in London with a large en-suite bathroom and adjoining room to be used as your own personal study or dressing room? What about only paying £1 a month for such luxury? The only catch is that you have to treat your 63 year old landlord as a slave… If you think of it as kind of being like Batman, suddenly it doesn’t seem so weird! He’s not seeking an “intimate or sexual relationship”, instead he sees himself as a “domestic and financial slave”. Some may think that that’s the deal of a lifetime. The majority, however, would probably be a little creeped out by the arrangement…
I have a lovely house in Fulham with three bedrooms, three bathrooms and garden. I am willing to offer the master bedroom suite free to a lady or young couple who will make and treat me like a slave.
The master bedroom has a large en suite bathroom and a small attached room which can be used as a study/dressing room. A bit about me. I am 63-year-old professional man.
I have been a slave before and those were the happiest days of my life. I do not seek an intimate or sexual relationship and see myself as a domestic and financial slave.
2) Quite possibly the opposite situation…
Okay, so unlike the previous flat advert you don’t even have to pay the full £1 month rent with this one. However, it reads more as a dating site profile than a flat advert. Advertising a room share for a one bed flat is extremely creepy.
I am being honest about this so that applicants are fully aware.
Gee, thanks for your honesty. What a horribly awkward situation that could have been otherwise…
3) A stylish London loft…
London loft apartments are all the rage… but they can also set you back a few grand each month on rent. If you’re on a bit of a budget, this London loft will only cost you £40 per week. If you’re not fussy when it comes to natural lighting (the only “window”/entrance is the loft door) or space to move around, then this is a bargain!
We are renting this cute little loft conversion which is a former storage space. Please note you cannot stand upright in the room. It comes with its own bedding (freshly washed), parquet flooring and there is enough space to store a few pieces of garment. The location is amazing, there are lots of shops, good transport and is right in the heart of Westminster. We are generally quite easy-going but do not tolerate noise at night or disorderly behaviour. Ideally it would suit someone less than 5’4 tall and with no history of claustrophobia.
4) Bed in the kitchen…
For only £400 a month, you can score yourself a tiny bed in a kitchen! Perfect for those who enjoy the occasional midnight snack. Though you may be disappointed to hear that the kitchen isn’t actually included in the rental space; it’s communal. For £400 a month, you’re only paying for the bed (which you could probably buy brand new for less than half that price). But those awesome leopard print bed sheets? Priceless.
5) A medley of pop culture themes…
Bored with your day-to-day mediocrity? This flat was designed by IT worker and artist Simon Edwards who has spent over 10,000 hours in total doing up his flat so that each room is uniquely themed. So if you love Flash Gordon, the Alien movie franchise, ancient Egypt, temples and Venetian townscapes… we’ve found the perfect flat for you for only £1,300 a month! It’s not that it’s bad, but it’s definitely not for everyone.
6) Could you be a live-in walrus?
Look like a giant wall of text? I assure you it is well worth the read. This person is looking for a tenant to pay no rent for a double bedroom in Brighton. The only catch is that you must be prepared to dress and act like a walrus for a couple of hours whenever it is requested of you.
I am a considerate person to share a house with, and other than playing the accordion my tastes are easy to accommodate (sic).
Acting like a bloody walrus is anything but easy, mate.
7) The shed in the shared living room…
This sounds pretty reasonable… Doesn’t it? £530 a month for a mattress in a wooden shed in Bethnal Green, East London. At least it’s indoors! I’m not sure you’re going to get any better for that kind of price. The cosy shed is located in the corner of a communal living room. But if you’re concerned about your privacy, the shed does feature blacked out windows for your convenience!
8) The tent in the dining room…
A look inside shows that the “room” (by which I mean tent) is furnished at least. With a small table and bedside cabinet. All that’s missing is an actual bed! But the residential landlord does offer to lend you a sleeping bag. Which they’ll want back whenever there’s a festival.
During festival season I might need the sleeping bag for a few days and the tent but we should have a sofa by then which you can sleep on instead.
The ad also states that “there is still a dining table in there so we will still eat in there, so we have put a tent in the room for privacy, and we would only eat breakfast and dinner in the room”. Does that mean that you will be expected to stay in the tent and just hang out while they’re eating their meals? That seems a bit odd. Why not just move the small two-person dining table into a different room, and rent out the entire dining room? They also state that you get use of the shared bathroom, kitchen and garden though. So maybe it’s not so bad for £550 a month.
9) Willing to crawl to your room?
Walking is so overrated. Why walk when you can crawl? After all, coming home from a hard day of work the first thing you want to do is to crawl into bed. So why not crawl all the way up the stairs too? From floor to ceiling, the crawl space is 0.7m to 1.2m leading up the stairs to an adorably tiny front door reminiscent of the one in Alice in Wonderland. People spend thousands upon thousands of pounds to feel young again. So for £420 a month in rent, this place is a steal for making you feel just as small.
10) Perfect for students!
When you’re a student, all you should need is a desk and a bed, and you’re grand. So why not save space by combining the two! £74 a week and you too can have a prison-style mattress rolled out onto a desk. Plus the rent will also cover the bills, council tax and broadband – so you can’t complain.
Though some of these strange flat adverts make for a funny read, sadly it’s a dire situation for renters who are reduced to options like this in our lavish capital. Absurd proof that the property market is getting crazier by the year – London, especially.
It’s easy sometimes to take it out on the landlords who are exploiting these mad times. But, like with everything else in life, you get good landlords and you get bad landlords. Just like you get good tenants and bad tenants. Read our blog post on nightmare tenants from hell!
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