The zombie apocalypse is inevitable. It can’t be long now until a science experiment goes wrong, resulting in the undead coming back to life with a hunger for human brains.
How do you protect yourself financially against the perils of a zombie apocalypse though? Assuming you have what it takes to survive, the post-apocalyptic clean-up is likely going to cost you a fortune… Luckily, we’ve got you covered!
Our zombie insurance package is your one-stop-shop umbrella policy that covers you, the policyholder, in the event of a zombie apocalypse for a maximum of £5,000,000. And if you unfortunately don’t pull through, no worries! Your coverage will be assigned to your next surviving kin to financially support them in the aftermath.
Claims can only be made after the zombie outbreak has been officially resolved and is only applicable to serious outbreaks which last at minimum a month.
For the purposes of this article:
- A “zombie” is defined as a human who has been infected with the zombie virus and is as a result neither living nor dead.
- A “zombie apocalypse” or “zombie invasion” is defined as a widespread infection of said zombie virus, affecting a large population or geographic area.
What if I get bitten by a zombie?
If you are unfortunate enough to get bitten by a zombie, your insurance policy will cover the cost of emergency treatment to the wounded area (such as limb amputation to prevent the zombie infection from spreading) and indefinite quarantine until a cure is found to reverse the zombie effects. Extended protection is offered in case of indefinite quarantine, and will also cover the costs of medication, animal brains and Netflix. To offer you our condolences we will also provide a gift package in the form of a George A. Romero box set collection, to help you come to terms psychologically with your new lifestyle transition.
And if you almost get bitten, then even better! You won’t have to worry about zombie infection, and your zombie insurance will cover the medical costs of any zombie-inflicted injuries.
What about my house?
Your house is naturally going to be subjected to some level of destruction. Your zombie insurance policy will cover your registered home against any damage done to the property by a single zombie, a zombie horde or yourself during any sort of zombie attack. This includes any structural damage caused by breaking and entering, as well as any modifications made to the building in an attempt to better protect you and your family at home (such as removal of the staircase, barricaded entries and any type of structural reinforcement.)
What about my car?
Your insurance policy will cover the costs of repair to your registered vehicle, including any damage which you may have intentionally carried out yourself whilst kitting your car with armour and weaponry.
What if I harm someone?
You are covered against any bodily harm you may cause to others during the chaos amidst a zombie apocalypse. This includes both accidental harm to non-zombies and intentional harm as a direct result of attempting to defend yourself. If you are held liable of endangering the lives of others once the zombie apocalypse all blows over, and the families of those whom you may accidentally have caused death to during the struggle are now demanding financial compensation from you, your zombie insurance will cover you for the legal fees.
What about my friends and family?
Your zombie insurance policy will only cover you and your registered property. However, in the heart-breaking event that you lose everyone you love, your insurance policy will also cover the costs of their burials.
How would I live with myself?
You’re probably wondering how you’d be able to live with yourself once it’s all over. After all, you would probably have had to have done some pretty awful things to survive…
We’ve got that covered too. Once the zombie invasion is over, our zombie insurance policy will cover the costs of the therapy treatment sessions to deal with your anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, insomnia and other psychological deteriorations as a direct result of the zombie apocalyptic events.
If you’re a superhero and think you can take on the zombie hordes to protect the surviving citizens of your city,
check out our Superhero Insurance!